The question everyone should want to know the answer to is, “What exactly is the ranking of the first ten Disney films (at least those that are available on the Disney Life app) in the opinion of someone who doesn’t even like Disney”? I’m here to answer that question now. You’re welcome. I wanted to write this as I’ve now watched through to the end of the 1940’s, and before I jump into their ‘Golden Age’ (or at least that’s what I’ve been told it is), I thought this would be an ideal time to consider which films, so far, are most worth the time of day, or to be more accurate, tolerable. I think this could be useful to other Disney fanatics that want to show their significant other one of the earlier films in the hope that they will join them in their passion and not want to risk the inconvenience of a messy separation or divorce. It’s probably worth bearing in mind that most people probably wouldn’t be as tough an egg to crack (stubborn) as myself.
So here we go:
#10 – Bambi (initial score 1/10)
Managi
ng to bridge the tricky gap between creative indulgence, plot-free meandering and emotional destruction of the innocent, this will undoubtably stay in last place in my Disney rankings permanently. If, in the future, Disney decide to make a three-hour remake of ‘Home Alone 4’ interspersed with scenes of their most elderly writer suggestively touching himself to a soundtrack of Elmo from ‘Sesame Street’ singing the greatest hits of Cher, I’m certain Bambi will still fall a notch below. The fact I scored it one point was purely because of the cute animals that weren’t shot.
#9 – The Three Caballeros (initial score 2/10)
Shameless propaganda, an overload, and I mean overload of musical numbers and cultural dances, along with the fact that each of the Three Caballeros seemingly compete for the award of ‘most annoying twat’ means that I wasn’t the only one to have never heard of this film before. Some things are forgotten about by society for a reason.
#8 – Adventures of Ichabod and Mr Toad (initial score 2.5/10)
In theory, animating two literary classics to a high level should be a home run in terms of delivering a good film. The critics indeed did seem to like this film, but I was bored silly by it, and for large parts so was my Disney-loving wife. For me, the Sleepy Hollow adaptation was far more entertaining that the Wind in the Willows one. I’m curious what the public, Disney fans or not, think…
#7 – Pinocchio (initial score 3.5/10)
Again, I’m sure some people will rate this higher and granted it does have one of the most cohesive stories of the early films. At the same time, it has donkey-slave-children. So, checkmate.
#6 – Saludos Amigos (initial score 4.5/10)
The more tolerable of the ‘Latin America is wonderful, please don’t join the Nazis’ films. Unremarkable, but at times fun.
#5 – Fun and Fancy Free (initial score 4.5/10)
Bizarrely I quite like the story about Bongo the bear, and I’m not adverse to the adaptation of Jack and the Beanstalk. Songs about ‘giving her a slap’, creepy ventriloquist puppets and Donald-sodding-Duck are a different matter, however. For a relatively unknown film, this could have been worse still.
#4 – Dumbo (initial score 5/10)
Like Pinocchio, this has a more defined story, but without the donkey-slave-children to ruin it. When it goes off the proverbial deep end with the infamous ‘Pink Elephants on Parade’, it’s still a headfuck, but a far more pleasant one. I don’t rate this as highly as most would, but that’s probably to be expected.
#3 – Fantasia (initial score 5.5/10)
Some stories kept my attention more than others, I don’t know if the final segment was bad or if I was just suffering burnout from two hours of classical music fused with animation. I don’t see how such a concept will hold the attention with today’s youth, even with a maverick, crazy, daredevil personality such as Deems Taylor at the helm.
#2 – The Reluctant Dragon (initial score 7/10)
Considering this is one of the least known films, and I tend to be a tough viewer to please, this was, at least at times, a surprisingly enjoyable film. Mostly this was due to the insights into the process of making the films, which I found to be far more enjoyable than the fruits of their work. To be fair, the final ‘title’ cartoon, is probably the best animated story I’ve seen so far. Plus, the sexual tension between Robert and the sound effects lady was captivating.
#1 – Snow White (initial score 6/10)
I know I scored it below ‘The Reluctant Dragon’, but looking back, this was the most well-rounded and entertaining of the films so far. I also think this is the film I would recommend more to first time viewers. The Dwarves were good fun, Snow White’s voice was unbearable but otherwise the music was better than the rest of the top ten (excluding Fantasia), and there wasn’t as much animated indulgence. It was also the only time the “Baddy” got a fitting comeuppance. Finally, I think this is the film that would have kids giggling more than the others. If you said to me this was the best of the first ten films, at the start of this project we’re undertaking, I probably wouldn’t have made it to film two. And would I watch it again? Hmmm, maybe. Possibly. I’m not sure. Which probably is an achievement of sorts…
Ben 🙄
The United States Department of State had funded the film in order for Disney to produce a film that solely featured Latin American culture, in an effort to try and severe the ties that some of the Latin American countries were seemingly developing with Nazi Germany. The film is made up of four segments. Two feature Donald Duck and one features Goofy. We are also introduced to the character José Carioca, a green cigar-smoking parrot from Brazil. José is also in the next film that we will be reviewing, The Three Caballeros, so let’s hope Ben like’s him (as I don’t think he’s that keen on Donald Duck!). I will let Ben take you through the segments in detail.
Lake Titicaca and we are immediately bedazzled by the delights of women weaving clothes and detailed explanations of what the fisherman’s boats are made of. Now for me, it’s reasonably interesting (key word being ‘reasonably’), but I suspect a number of young children at this point are running around pretending to be a car or doing a headstand on the sofa whilst humming or whatever else bored kids do. All of this is presented to us alongside commentary from a chap with a ‘Deems Taylor’ (the MC from Fantasia) level of wildness.
Basically some mail needs to be picked up from the other side of the Andes and the Mummy and Daddy plane both can’t make the trip due to various ailments so young Pedro plane has to do it instead. So Pedro sets off on his jour…. hang on. There are Mummy and Daddy planes and they can have children?!!!! The mind boggles at the thought of what happens when a Mummy and Daddy plane love each other very much. Anyway, Pedro sets off and is immediately scared of heights. Being a plane that’s somewhat problematic. Once he adapts, he flies through the mountains and only gets distracted when he spots a bird and gets rather overexcited, and chases it. You can’t fuck a bird, you silly plane! Apparently you can fuck another plane though (just ask Mummy and Daddy plane who I’m sure have gotten over their illnesses to make the most of your absence). After collecting the mail, the weather turns and there is a huge storm that threatens to knock Pedro out of the sky. We keep seeing a wobbling altímetro (that’s Spanish for altimeter… you’re welcome). Happily, after some scary moments, it doesn’t and he returns to find Mummy plane sleeping whilst Daddy plane lies next her smoking a cigarette and looking pleased with himself. That’s a lie, but at least Disney refrained from killing anything off for once.
Argentina next and we’re off to the Pampas, where we see local cowboys and old women and meat on barbeques. Personally, as a geography geek who’s fascinated by the world, I find this interesting. But I’m sure many won’t. All this leads to their next animated sketch, which involves the narrator reminding us that America has cowboys as well and so we’re going to Texas to see the antics of Goofy and a horse. Goofy is transported to the Pampas to learn about the differences between American and Argentinian Cowboys. My issue with this whole segment is that we had a “Goofy and his horse” shenanigans in the Reluctant Dragon and a lot of this feels like a bit of a rehash and, frankly, just lazy. You travel eight thousand miles to do a sketch with an almost identical premise to one from just three movies ago. That’s a waste. Goofy learns how to eat bread and meat and dances with a horse, you know, the usual.
Brasil (that’s Portuguese for Brazil… you’re welcome). The animation depicts various flora and fauna of the Amazon and is superbly done. Donald Duck reappears and I realise I much prefer Looney Tunes. If Bugs Bunny or Roadrunner were to appear here, I would be quite pleased, but when I see Donald Duck, I feel disappointed. José reappears and promises to show Donald Copacabana and it appears they have struck up a repour. They dance to some samba music. The one thing worth drawing attention to here is that Donald gets bladdered from drinking a spirit called cachaça. It is so strong it causes Donald to breathe fire, from which, José lights his cigar. Light up kids, but try to get blind drunk first. After Donald drunkenly dances to some Samba, the film ends.
Disney - Guide for the Misguided 